New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
