I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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