At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
