My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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