It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
