i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
third nipple confirmed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
