The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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