I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
