woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
