You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
