i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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