I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
