I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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