I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize