Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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