if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
