so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
