it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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