My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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