I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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