Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
