the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
