Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I am morally bankrupt
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
