things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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