I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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