Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
