Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Your penis caused this!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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