Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
