Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
