I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize