I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
