Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
