Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize