Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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