Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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