I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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