Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
