don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
