Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just cropdusted the office
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
