I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
