Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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