I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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