I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
