I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
