This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
