toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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