The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
