White coat. Heels.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
