They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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