gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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