that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
