UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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