I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You pole danced in your parka.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
