I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
