her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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