I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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