Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize