whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
