Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
two words...techno handjob
We had to coat check the pizza.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
