Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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