but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
