I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
