i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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