I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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