How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
