Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
