11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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