So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
