He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
