I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
